[ Joshua blanches, his eyes widen and his face pale as he feels the dread and fear settle even heavier in his heart like an anchor and sink it further. Though she says she thinks... He thought he'd felt it, briefly, distantly in his sleep, and the surge of aether when he finally woke, though addled and panicked as he was, he hadn't realized it what it was in that moment. His coughing fit and the aftermath of what happened carving a new piece of him to stone...
He's all but certain.
He almost primed.
The Phoenix awoke in him when he was young and as a Dominant, calling on it's power was as natural as breathing. It's power like a current, powerful, sometimes too strong for a body as frail as his once was (and is now again), but entirely under his control as he willed it.
But this... He'd only felt it like this once before, that night at Phoenix Gate, as he watched a man kill his father right in front of him. The swell of unchecked and uncontrollable aether in his body, fanning the flames of his own emotions, when he'd only been but a child, to the point of turning them into a raging firestorm within himself until that's all he was.
But... in his sleep, Joshua didn't even think it possible. At his most vulnerable when he had no sense to stop it, hadn't realized it was even happening. That his mind could twist his memories and trauma into a nightmare so terrible he'd nearly been swallowed up by it. And had Jill not woken him... it scares -- terrifies him to think of what could've happened, the destruction he would've caused...
Again. ]
I... [ He swallows. His eyes look back down towards the bed under him and he turns his bloodied hand to see his palm and fingers painted red, hesitant in his answer.
What reassurances he would usually offer her are gone, stripped away by the nightmare. There is no hiding behind false words of comfort, nor what composure and clear mindedness he usually carries, because not even he can convince himself to say it. The fear, the nightmare and memories it dredged up have torn a scar that he'd thought long healed open again as fresh, gaping wound. The feeling of Ifrit's yellow eyes still boring into his minds eye with so much anger and rage. ]
I-I don't know, Jill... I... [ His voice still a little breathless, trembling. ]
no subject
He's all but certain.
He almost primed.
The Phoenix awoke in him when he was young and as a Dominant, calling on it's power was as natural as breathing. It's power like a current, powerful, sometimes too strong for a body as frail as his once was (and is now again), but entirely under his control as he willed it.
But this... He'd only felt it like this once before, that night at Phoenix Gate, as he watched a man kill his father right in front of him. The swell of unchecked and uncontrollable aether in his body, fanning the flames of his own emotions, when he'd only been but a child, to the point of turning them into a raging firestorm within himself until that's all he was.
But... in his sleep, Joshua didn't even think it possible. At his most vulnerable when he had no sense to stop it, hadn't realized it was even happening. That his mind could twist his memories and trauma into a nightmare so terrible he'd nearly been swallowed up by it. And had Jill not woken him... it scares -- terrifies him to think of what could've happened, the destruction he would've caused...
Again. ]
I... [ He swallows. His eyes look back down towards the bed under him and he turns his bloodied hand to see his palm and fingers painted red, hesitant in his answer.
What reassurances he would usually offer her are gone, stripped away by the nightmare. There is no hiding behind false words of comfort, nor what composure and clear mindedness he usually carries, because not even he can convince himself to say it. The fear, the nightmare and memories it dredged up have torn a scar that he'd thought long healed open again as fresh, gaping wound. The feeling of Ifrit's yellow eyes still boring into his minds eye with so much anger and rage. ]
I-I don't know, Jill... I... [ His voice still a little breathless, trembling. ]