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Feel free to hit me up with anything!! I'm honestly always down for anything ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
I've finished the game so spoilers are totally fine, though be careful looking in here if you haven't beaten it yet!

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It had taken Joshua so long to respond that for a moment, Clive thought he'd gone unnoticed. "You were faraway in your thoughts," he said. "Where were you whiling away the time in your head?"

He nudges his shoulder against Joshua's, light and playful, even if their conversation is heavier than that. It seems their conversations are always that. They never simply have time to talk about what they missed in one another's lives. Not the hardships and harrowing moments, but the quieter ones in between. Clive has a million questions he wants to know about his brother being forced to grow up too young - what he lived through, if he had even a little bit of a chance to be idle and do the things most young men were able to do.

But he doesn't push. Sometimes, Clive is afraid the answers will hold too many similiarities to his own live in servitutde, just of a different sort.

"Maybe he did," Clive agrees. "Or maybe it's just the nature of them that they shine. I don't see him being particularly interested in decorating the world, whatever the reason."

Clive shifts to face Joshua when he moves, smile still on his face. "Maybe it will. Or maybe it will be a seething mass of shifting power and people scrambling to find their place in it. But at least it won't be a world we lost."

"Have you eaten?" Clive asks. "Or have you spent all day in the stacks again and forgotten?"

Joshua's smile only brightens as Clive bumps his shoulder against his. It reminds him of all the times Clive would do something similar when they were children, to reassure and to comfort his little brother in small, gentle, sometimes playful gestures like this. That even as light as they were, would feel as though they'd lift the weight of all of his worries and insecurities of his responsibilities as the Phoenix, as heir to the ducal throne all off his shoulders when he was only but ten years old. Just as it does now, lifting the weight of his thoughts from his mind to share in their burden. As Clive is always wont to do.

And not realizing he's doing it, he leans ever so slightly against his brother's shoulder to keep their contact, to keep that source of comfort, his voice quieting as he speaks, but still smiling, if not a bit distantly. "I was but thinking of Ultima, of Origin... there are still yet answers that plague me, that I cannot help but wonder."

But then they stand and Clive turns to him and Joshua can't help but let out a small, quiet chuckle, continuing off of his brother's words.

"And it will be a world of our choosing, a world that we might live on our own terms." And perhaps that is what will make it the most beautiful, even through all the hardships they'll have to face to get there.

He shakes his head a little. "No, I had but just arrived from speaking with Harpocrates. I... thought perhaps I might come visit you first, ere I made my way to the Ale Hall." He'd eaten earlier, if it's at least some consolation. But he doesn't mind putting off supper a little bit longer in lieu of spending time with Clive.

There's a small pause, then he continues with a grin, "Assuming, of course, that I am not interrupting anything."

There's little Joshua can do for the Hideaway now, as they have to ready themselves for whatever future lies ahead of them, but Clive is still an integral part, having led these people for five years. He has to tie off loose ends and make sure everyone is ready to lead this world into a future they're striving to save without him, even if only for a time, should he return after all is said and done.

Clive just shifts, accommodating that change of weight when Joshua leans into him, feeling the warmth of Joshua against his side. Not for the first time, he notes the slightness of that weight. Clive would have to try to get him to eat more often.

"I suspect even when we win, there will be many questions we'll never find answers for. But maybe they're better off unknown." Clive believes in understanding the past, so they can avoid reliving it. But Ultima's power and intentions are foreign, and the opposite of what any man believes - Clive's not sure they can find common ground in it to understand it from.

"That it will, chaos and mistakes and all," Clives agrees. "I wonder what it says of us that we look forward to that. Gluttons for punishment, perhaps."

Clive smiles at his brother, reaching up to tousle his hair. It's too gentle to truly be that, merely a brush of fingers through light strands. "You're never an interruption. After how long apart we have been, I'd keep you always in my sight, if it were up to me and you wouldn't chafe at the oversight. Come, you can sit with me while I look through my messages and we can talk, unless you had something else in mind? For Clive, there is always and forever something he is meant to be doing - sometimes something of great import, sometimes an errand for a friend. His time may be precious, but he'd gladly give all that he could to Joshua.

"...Perhaps you're right." Though he says it, there's uncertainty still in his voice as he loses himself if only for a moment back to his thoughts. Worry gnawing at him that there's still a piece of the puzzle missing, something about what it is that Ultima truly wants, what awaits them at Origin. There's been so much about him that's remained a mystery for thousands of years, veiled in the unknown as all knowledge and memory of him faded out of existence with only crumbs remaining. And even with all that Ultima revealed to them while they were in Ash.

But... at least for the moment, Joshua chooses to let it go, deciding to just speak with Harpocrates again tomorrow and focus on spending what little time he has with his brother now, not talking of Ultima.

Joshua's smile softens to something even warmer, something far fonder at his brother's words and as he brushes his fingers through his strawberry blond hair, affectionate as a brother would tousle his hair, but gentle and soft in the way Clive's always been. His heart alight, but he quiets it with a small sigh through his nose, almost sounding like another chuckle, a slight duck of his head as he does and shakes his head.

"I would not chafe, Brother. Would that we could spend more time together... So, we will simply have to make up for what we are able." Joshua wouldn't want to leave Clive's side either, had he the choice, but life is never so simple, especially ones such as theirs. "But, I should like nothing more. I can help to review your missives and see to my own from the Undying... and then perhaps we might share a glass of wine?" So this isn't all just. work.

Clive felt a bit guilty for not simply announcing the future's brightness. But it felt like lying to do so. He'd been thinking of it, lately. Of how they were changing the world with no real guarantee set in stone to make sure the future would be brighter for everyone. It was likely to be harder, in the short term at least. The basis of the world's entire economy and being would be changing. People were bound to be lost in the shuffle, and Clive already worried for them. He believed in what they were doing - but he feared how high the cost would be, too. "I'd rather not be," he said quietly.

But he smiled at Joshua and slung his arm over his brother's slimmer shoulders, guiding him toward Clive's room. "You would definitely dislike me telling you where to be all the time," he said. "You're too used to the nomad life you've had these last years to do well with your shield telling you to stay attached to his side. But it'd make for a nice few weeks before you grew tired of it."

He let go of Joshua once they were inside, motioning toward the table for Joshua to sit as Clive went to begin pulling off armor and setting it in its place. When he was in shirtsleeves, he sighed in relief, rolling tired shoulders. He was used to armor, and wore it comfortably enough - but sometimes it was nice to feel light - in heart and in body.

He came to sit opposite Joshua at the table, ankle pressed against his. He had his eyes to see, but some part of Clive just wanted the physical sensation of touch, to know for sure his brother was there, and whole - or nearly so. "Must we wait until the end for the wine?" he complained good-naturedly, reaching for the stack of missives and unsealing the first to read. "I'm never quite sure what to do with a grateful note from Blackthorne. It feels like a trap," Clive said dryly as he read over Blackthorne's note.

Joshua lets himself be pulled along as Clive wraps an arm around his shoulder and leads him back into the room, his smile wide.

"True. I have long since grown accustomed to traveling across Storm that remaining in one place would indeed feel... different. But... there is much and more that I have missed about it." Because there's a difference in wanting to travel, wanting to research and discover things as a scholar, and in feeling as though he has to. A desperate and hurried need to keep moving because what time he has left is running short, and he has to make the most of every second. Lest he fail in protecting the future their father, Cid, and Clive all strived for... lest he fail in protecting Clive.

"And as we've been eighteen years apart, there are very few qualms I would have at staying by your side. Should my shield attend me on my duties as well." He adds with a quirked smile as they separate.

As he moves to take his seat where Clive gestured, light blue eyes flicker over to watch him remove his gear, till he's naught but simply... Clive. Sore shoulders rolling without their weight and Joshua feels himself gladdened at the sight. Joshua rarely gets to see Clive relax, especially in these final days before they leave for Origin, when there's only too much to do, to prepare for. Wishing he could give him more time like this.

He takes his seat, and as Clive moves to sit across from him, he blinks when he feels Clive press his ankle to his, his heart alight in his chest again. He hesitates for a moment, unsure of whether he'd meant to do it, but when Clive doesn't move away, neither does Joshua, feeling the same sort of comfort as he'd felt out on the balcony as he leaned on his shoulder. Wanting this closeness.

So he turns his attention to the missives, taking one to begin reading. "Lest you find you are able to focus on your work as you drink, Brother." Joshua offers with another small chuckle in his voice and a small smirk. Joshua's never been much of a drinker, truth be told, he never had the mind to when there was so much else on his mind. Though he would have the rare glass of wine as he poured himself over his research which would be no different for him.

"A trap? Is... there aught he's done to make you believe it would?" Joshua knows he's the Hideaway's blacksmith, but he's only ever seen him working seriously and diligently in the forge, but never spoken to him.

Clive smiled at him. "I'd like to travel I think, one day, just to see where I travel to, instead of for fight after fight." There wasn't much time to look at the world around him when he was just running from place to place, trying to stay ahead of enemies and the Blight both.It'd be nice to just take in the people and places he saw. Even better if he were doing it by Joshua's side.

For a moment, as he sheds gear, Clive imagine he feels Joshua's eyes on him, his own cheeks just a touch pink at the thought. It was his own imagining, of course. But more and more of late, such thoughts prod their way into his mind. He manages to put them aside, but here in the quiet of his own chamber, with just themselves here, it's more difficult to not imagine, and then feel a little shiver of heat that goes with the pink in his cheeks.

He'd be full of denial and self-recrimination later, but then Clive usually was.

The touching ankles keeps that faint trace of pink in Clive's cheeks, but he doesn't pull away either, just leaves that trace of a touch between them, as much a connection as he could. He chuckled. "Your point is taken." Clive was more of a drinker, though only Gav usually seemed able to induce him to excess. (And Cid, long gone though he was.)

Clive flashed him a rare grin. "No, he's a good man. But not one given to easy praise or softness - and when we first met, I was far from his favorite person." Much had changed since then. "I wouldn't put it past him to use that hammer to give me a good thump, if he ever decided I was being too obtuse for his liking when he explains a project, though." He tilted his head. "I forget that you don't know the people here the way Jill and I do. I shouldn't leave you alone so often, I should take you with me when we meet over mundane things - let you better get to know them."

Joshua's heart aches a little at that. A reminder that between safeguarding the people of Valisthea, searching for answers about Ultima, rescuing bearers, fighting bandits and akashic, and soon a god... there is little time for themselves. To see the world without having to think of fighting, of what they need to do next for a single moment. But it's as Joshua told Jote, duty is the enemy of freedom. Even though they do their duty with pride, because this is what they want.

But as he takes his seat, he makes a small vow to himself, that if they survive this... if Joshua survives this, however hard it is to bring himself to grasp at that hope, he'll take Clive out into the world, that they might travel together. Without fighting and death following in their shadows.

But Joshua catches his grin, one he only recognizes only too well, one that makes him feel like they're children again, and his own smile warms, brightens at the sight of it.

"I should like nothing more. Though it has been some few moons since first I came here, I have had little chance to speak with many of the others--with the exception of Harpocrates and Lady Tarja, of course." Joshua was born and raised to be an archduke, so his social graces are the furthest things from lacking, never shy when approaching anyone. But between his own research, their own comings and going on missions across Storm and not wanting to get in the way of anyone here as the chaos of preparation continues, there's been little time to speak to anyone at length. Aside from Clive and Jill.

"And perhaps I will take the opportunity to apologize for my brother's rude manners. Lest Blackthorne decide to thump you with his hammer, rather leave you a letter when next he would speak with you." He teases, a soft chuckle rolling through his words.

But then, his voice softens. "...And it is as I said, even should it be to attend you on your day-to-day duties around the Hideaway, I would gladly spend what time we are able together." He lightly presses the heel of his boot against his brother's as he says it, an extra gentle, but firm pressure to get across that he means it.

Edited (SORRY JUST ADDING SOME EXTRA INTROSPECTION) 2024-01-11 08:49 (UTC)

Clive flips the missives idly between his fingers, still watching his brother, smile widening a touch. "You can barely be pried away from Harpocrates. I think he appreciates such an attentive pupil and partner in study. His usual students are a good deal younger, and less enthusiastic. I've been sent to hunt them down and hound them into studies more than once." Yet they'd run to one of Mid's lessons, the little scoundrels. "They're all curious about you. They heard Jill and I talk about you often enough, they're probably trying to see the boy we talked about in the man you've grown up to be. Sometimes, even I find myself doing that." He tilts his head thoughtfully. "Father would have been so proud of you - of your dedication and resourcefulness, and your grace and wits."

In truth, Clive tries too hard to find the boy in Joshua, sometimes, to try to help him not see the man he's become quite so clearly. The boy had been a child still, someone Clive loved and would have died for. It's the same with Joshua as he is now - but there's also the cut line of his jaw, the elegance of his hands, the sun-lit gleam of his hair and the smoothness of his skin.

There are things Clive notices that he ought not. Trying to see the child again - it would make it easier. It just didn't seem to be working. But Clive was too eager to be near his brother again after he'd spent so long knowing he'd killed him, to back away, however misguided his heart might be.

He laughs. "By all means, try, but compare me to Blackthorne and I might just qualify as talkative, even," Clive says wryly. Clive could and DID talk, but he tended to fall back on silence for the most part, unless he had reason.

"Then it's settled," Clive says, scribbling a return message and putting it in the box to go out later. "If you're feeling up to it, the next few errands someone bends my ear about doing, we'll go together." He pauses before opening another, giving Joshua a long look. "How are you feeling, in truth? I know you mean to keep going regardless, I don't fault that. But tell me truly, how do you fare day to day?"

His smile softens, fond, yet melancholy, and filled with a warmth that nearly reaches his cheeks. "Thank you, Brother. I can but hope you're right... that I have been able to live up to his image, to his ideals." He pauses and gently runs his thumb against the paper he's holding, across the words written, not reading, but staring at them distantly as he thinks of their father.

When he speaks again, it's quieter, softer, perhaps a bit sadder, more hesitantly, so much so that Clive might not even hear him. "...And your's."

Because he holds Clive's thoughts of him just as highly as their father's. As the person he's... loved, admired and looked up to for as long as he can remember, that he idolized for his strength, his courage, for how the people loved him... however wrongly that may have been on his own part as he put himself down to raise Clive up. Believing he could never be a leader like his brother, that Clive should've awakened as the Phoenix, not him. And he tried, after he awoke from his coma after Phoenix Gate, to live up to what Clive and their father wanted--believed he could be. To steel his nerves, to become stronger, become a proper leader to the Undying that he might discover the truth behind Ultima.

But... if Clive truly does look to try and find the timid, frail boy he used to know, rather than the man before him... it gnaws a worry in his heart. That he's maybe somehow disappointed his brother, that after twenty years, he hadn't lived up to whatever expectations Clive had of him. His heart aches at the thought, however much his head tells him Clive wouldn't think like that.

Then, after a moment, he sets aside his letter to take a new one too and looks back up to his brother and adds with a lilt of forced amusement, trying to move on. "As well as the children's. It would not do to disappoint them. I have often seen them in the Shelves when consulting Harpocrates. Perhaps I should speak with them, should it help in calming their curious minds that they might focus on their lessons."

He pauses again, a soft breath leaving him in a truer smile. There's no getting around worrying Clive, he always has, born as frail as he was. And he knows full well of Joshua's condition, how Ultima's prison takes it's toll on his body, so there's no getting away with lying. Not that he would. But if he can lessen the weight of his words so not as to worry him so much, he will.

"I am well, Brother. You needn't worry. My strength continues to wane with each passing day, but... there is naught I can do but rest, while we wait to depart for Origin. As Lady Tarja has--urged that I do on several occasions." His smile turns a little guilty, a little sheepish, a little amused.

Clive reaches over, pushing up at the corners of Joshua's mouth to make that smile less melancholy. "You've done more than that. You've kept up the ideals he taught you while being your own man. He would have loved that - and you for it."

The touch is meant as a silly thing, but the warmth of Joshua's skin still leaves an imprint on Clive's fingers, makes him look down and swallow, pretending to focus on the missives instead of the warm softness of skin beneath his fingers. "You never have to be concerned with meeting my standards. You've always exceeded them. If anything, I'd like if you took more breaks - rested more."

Joshua had never been lesser than Clive, or less deserving of the Phoenix. His frailer health had always been another burden to carry, and one Clive could see the strength Joshua took to bear it. That opinion had never wavered. Clive sees in Joshua all that would make a wise ruler - his kindness above all. He'd seen the strength it took to live with Joshua's gifts and burdens.

"There is no calming those minds," Clive says, faux-darkly, taking the change in topic as offered, ignoring the tingle of his fingers. "But you're welcome to try."

"It will wane slower if you do as Lady Tarja urges. Just ... know there is no shame in taking that rest. When this is all done, we have many days to look forward to still. I wouldn't want you to focus so hard on what is in front of us that you don't think to save some of your heart for what can come after."

Joshua blinks at first when Clive reaches over to touch his face, poking and pushing at the corners of his mouth to encourage a brighter smile, pulling him out of the self conscious thoughts that had creeped into his mind, and then, he laughs. Gentle, soft and quiet as his laughs usually are, ducking his head a bit, but there's a certain heartiness to this one in a way he probably hasn't laughed in eighteen years.

It's a silly, playful gesture, true, which Clive's done twice now to cheer him up, but it's no less comforting, no less reassuring in the way only Clive's ever done for him in all the time's he's been there for him, to help ease the burdens and insecurities from his shoulders that he might breathe, think clearly. And he believes him... that he's become a man his father truly would be proud of... and Clive.

And as the touch lingers for the briefest moment, Joshua almost yearns to keep that comfort, that contact, just as before, and wishes to reach up and hold his hands there, to urge his fingers that he might cup his face instead so Joshua could feel the warmth and comfort of his palms against his cheeks and lean into them. Like at Twinside. But... he doesn't. And Clive pulls away.

"Thank you, Brother." Still, he smiles, truer and brighter now.

But the moment feels all too short. Wherein Clive finds himself grateful for the change of subject, Joshua doesn't as he feels his heart break deep in his chest, as Clive speaks of looking forward to the days ahead of them... of a future that doesn't exist for him... He doesn't know if Clive truly doesn't see it... or simply refuses to, but it fills him with a guilt, a sorrow that weighs down on his heart like an anchor.

But... he tries, just as Clive's always offered him reassurances, Joshua does the same. Not having the heart to tell him otherwise. His voice and smile softening a bit again but not enough to betray the sadness he feels.

"I know... I do not deny I have had little chance to think of what is to come after." There's a small pause as he places the missive in his hand to the side and looks up, finding a new focus in his brother, is expression almost bashful as he asks; "Perhaps, then... we should begin thinking of what it is that we might do? For when such a day comes."

It's terribly dangerous, cruel and sad, to think like this. To allow himself a moment to hope, to dream of a future that he might be able to spend at his brother's side when his fate is all but carved into the very stone that sits in his chest. He could tell himself that this is for Clive, to offer his brother the same reassurances he always does, to help him keep going to do what he must without grieving over his brother whom he just got back.

But he knows, there's a part of him that wants to have this moment too, to believe.

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sorry for the delay!! the holidays kidnapped me

no worries, they had me too.

i hope you had a good time, and happy new year!! ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡

It was lovely and quiet! Hope yours was great too!

i'm so happy to hear it!! and mine was too, thank you!! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡

Sorry for the delay!

no worries!!! ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡ there's never any rush <3

((Sorry again! But finally!))

absolutely no worries!! welcome back!! ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡