Joshua Rosfield (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
undyingflames) wrote2023-08-22 02:50 am
undyingflames) wrote2023-08-22 02:50 am
Open Post // Overflow
Feel free to hit me up with anything!! I'm honestly always down for anything ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
I've finished the game so spoilers are totally fine, though be careful looking in here if you haven't beaten it yet!
i hope you had a good time, and happy new year!! ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡
"True. I have long since grown accustomed to traveling across Storm that remaining in one place would indeed feel... different. But... there is much and more that I have missed about it." Because there's a difference in wanting to travel, wanting to research and discover things as a scholar, and in feeling as though he has to. A desperate and hurried need to keep moving because what time he has left is running short, and he has to make the most of every second. Lest he fail in protecting the future their father, Cid, and Clive all strived for... lest he fail in protecting Clive.
"And as we've been eighteen years apart, there are very few qualms I would have at staying by your side. Should my shield attend me on my duties as well." He adds with a quirked smile as they separate.
As he moves to take his seat where Clive gestured, light blue eyes flicker over to watch him remove his gear, till he's naught but simply... Clive. Sore shoulders rolling without their weight and Joshua feels himself gladdened at the sight. Joshua rarely gets to see Clive relax, especially in these final days before they leave for Origin, when there's only too much to do, to prepare for. Wishing he could give him more time like this.
He takes his seat, and as Clive moves to sit across from him, he blinks when he feels Clive press his ankle to his, his heart alight in his chest again. He hesitates for a moment, unsure of whether he'd meant to do it, but when Clive doesn't move away, neither does Joshua, feeling the same sort of comfort as he'd felt out on the balcony as he leaned on his shoulder. Wanting this closeness.
So he turns his attention to the missives, taking one to begin reading. "Lest you find you are able to focus on your work as you drink, Brother." Joshua offers with another small chuckle in his voice and a small smirk. Joshua's never been much of a drinker, truth be told, he never had the mind to when there was so much else on his mind. Though he would have the rare glass of wine as he poured himself over his research which would be no different for him.
"A trap? Is... there aught he's done to make you believe it would?" Joshua knows he's the Hideaway's blacksmith, but he's only ever seen him working seriously and diligently in the forge, but never spoken to him.
It was lovely and quiet! Hope yours was great too!
For a moment, as he sheds gear, Clive imagine he feels Joshua's eyes on him, his own cheeks just a touch pink at the thought. It was his own imagining, of course. But more and more of late, such thoughts prod their way into his mind. He manages to put them aside, but here in the quiet of his own chamber, with just themselves here, it's more difficult to not imagine, and then feel a little shiver of heat that goes with the pink in his cheeks.
He'd be full of denial and self-recrimination later, but then Clive usually was.
The touching ankles keeps that faint trace of pink in Clive's cheeks, but he doesn't pull away either, just leaves that trace of a touch between them, as much a connection as he could. He chuckled. "Your point is taken." Clive was more of a drinker, though only Gav usually seemed able to induce him to excess. (And Cid, long gone though he was.)
Clive flashed him a rare grin. "No, he's a good man. But not one given to easy praise or softness - and when we first met, I was far from his favorite person." Much had changed since then. "I wouldn't put it past him to use that hammer to give me a good thump, if he ever decided I was being too obtuse for his liking when he explains a project, though." He tilted his head. "I forget that you don't know the people here the way Jill and I do. I shouldn't leave you alone so often, I should take you with me when we meet over mundane things - let you better get to know them."
i'm so happy to hear it!! and mine was too, thank you!! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
But as he takes his seat, he makes a small vow to himself, that if they survive this... if Joshua survives this, however hard it is to bring himself to grasp at that hope, he'll take Clive out into the world, that they might travel together. Without fighting and death following in their shadows.
But Joshua catches his grin, one he only recognizes only too well, one that makes him feel like they're children again, and his own smile warms, brightens at the sight of it.
"I should like nothing more. Though it has been some few moons since first I came here, I have had little chance to speak with many of the others--with the exception of Harpocrates and Lady Tarja, of course." Joshua was born and raised to be an archduke, so his social graces are the furthest things from lacking, never shy when approaching anyone. But between his own research, their own comings and going on missions across Storm and not wanting to get in the way of anyone here as the chaos of preparation continues, there's been little time to speak to anyone at length. Aside from Clive and Jill.
"And perhaps I will take the opportunity to apologize for my brother's rude manners. Lest Blackthorne decide to thump you with his hammer, rather leave you a letter when next he would speak with you." He teases, a soft chuckle rolling through his words.
But then, his voice softens. "...And it is as I said, even should it be to attend you on your day-to-day duties around the Hideaway, I would gladly spend what time we are able together." He lightly presses the heel of his boot against his brother's as he says it, an extra gentle, but firm pressure to get across that he means it.
Sorry for the delay!
In truth, Clive tries too hard to find the boy in Joshua, sometimes, to try to help him not see the man he's become quite so clearly. The boy had been a child still, someone Clive loved and would have died for. It's the same with Joshua as he is now - but there's also the cut line of his jaw, the elegance of his hands, the sun-lit gleam of his hair and the smoothness of his skin.
There are things Clive notices that he ought not. Trying to see the child again - it would make it easier. It just didn't seem to be working. But Clive was too eager to be near his brother again after he'd spent so long knowing he'd killed him, to back away, however misguided his heart might be.
He laughs. "By all means, try, but compare me to Blackthorne and I might just qualify as talkative, even," Clive says wryly. Clive could and DID talk, but he tended to fall back on silence for the most part, unless he had reason.
"Then it's settled," Clive says, scribbling a return message and putting it in the box to go out later. "If you're feeling up to it, the next few errands someone bends my ear about doing, we'll go together." He pauses before opening another, giving Joshua a long look. "How are you feeling, in truth? I know you mean to keep going regardless, I don't fault that. But tell me truly, how do you fare day to day?"
no worries!!! ꉂ (′̤ॢ∀ ू‵̤๑))ˉ̞̭♡ there's never any rush <3
When he speaks again, it's quieter, softer, perhaps a bit sadder, more hesitantly, so much so that Clive might not even hear him. "...And your's."
Because he holds Clive's thoughts of him just as highly as their father's. As the person he's... loved, admired and looked up to for as long as he can remember, that he idolized for his strength, his courage, for how the people loved him... however wrongly that may have been on his own part as he put himself down to raise Clive up. Believing he could never be a leader like his brother, that Clive should've awakened as the Phoenix, not him. And he tried, after he awoke from his coma after Phoenix Gate, to live up to what Clive and their father wanted--believed he could be. To steel his nerves, to become stronger, become a proper leader to the Undying that he might discover the truth behind Ultima.
But... if Clive truly does look to try and find the timid, frail boy he used to know, rather than the man before him... it gnaws a worry in his heart. That he's maybe somehow disappointed his brother, that after twenty years, he hadn't lived up to whatever expectations Clive had of him. His heart aches at the thought, however much his head tells him Clive wouldn't think like that.
Then, after a moment, he sets aside his letter to take a new one too and looks back up to his brother and adds with a lilt of forced amusement, trying to move on. "As well as the children's. It would not do to disappoint them. I have often seen them in the Shelves when consulting Harpocrates. Perhaps I should speak with them, should it help in calming their curious minds that they might focus on their lessons."
He pauses again, a soft breath leaving him in a truer smile. There's no getting around worrying Clive, he always has, born as frail as he was. And he knows full well of Joshua's condition, how Ultima's prison takes it's toll on his body, so there's no getting away with lying. Not that he would. But if he can lessen the weight of his words so not as to worry him so much, he will.
"I am well, Brother. You needn't worry. My strength continues to wane with each passing day, but... there is naught I can do but rest, while we wait to depart for Origin. As Lady Tarja has--urged that I do on several occasions." His smile turns a little guilty, a little sheepish, a little amused.
((Sorry again! But finally!))
The touch is meant as a silly thing, but the warmth of Joshua's skin still leaves an imprint on Clive's fingers, makes him look down and swallow, pretending to focus on the missives instead of the warm softness of skin beneath his fingers. "You never have to be concerned with meeting my standards. You've always exceeded them. If anything, I'd like if you took more breaks - rested more."
Joshua had never been lesser than Clive, or less deserving of the Phoenix. His frailer health had always been another burden to carry, and one Clive could see the strength Joshua took to bear it. That opinion had never wavered. Clive sees in Joshua all that would make a wise ruler - his kindness above all. He'd seen the strength it took to live with Joshua's gifts and burdens.
"There is no calming those minds," Clive says, faux-darkly, taking the change in topic as offered, ignoring the tingle of his fingers. "But you're welcome to try."
"It will wane slower if you do as Lady Tarja urges. Just ... know there is no shame in taking that rest. When this is all done, we have many days to look forward to still. I wouldn't want you to focus so hard on what is in front of us that you don't think to save some of your heart for what can come after."
absolutely no worries!! welcome back!! ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡
It's a silly, playful gesture, true, which Clive's done twice now to cheer him up, but it's no less comforting, no less reassuring in the way only Clive's ever done for him in all the time's he's been there for him, to help ease the burdens and insecurities from his shoulders that he might breathe, think clearly. And he believes him... that he's become a man his father truly would be proud of... and Clive.
And as the touch lingers for the briefest moment, Joshua almost yearns to keep that comfort, that contact, just as before, and wishes to reach up and hold his hands there, to urge his fingers that he might cup his face instead so Joshua could feel the warmth and comfort of his palms against his cheeks and lean into them. Like at Twinside. But... he doesn't. And Clive pulls away.
"Thank you, Brother." Still, he smiles, truer and brighter now.
But the moment feels all too short. Wherein Clive finds himself grateful for the change of subject, Joshua doesn't as he feels his heart break deep in his chest, as Clive speaks of looking forward to the days ahead of them... of a future that doesn't exist for him... He doesn't know if Clive truly doesn't see it... or simply refuses to, but it fills him with a guilt, a sorrow that weighs down on his heart like an anchor.
But... he tries, just as Clive's always offered him reassurances, Joshua does the same. Not having the heart to tell him otherwise. His voice and smile softening a bit again but not enough to betray the sadness he feels.
"I know... I do not deny I have had little chance to think of what is to come after." There's a small pause as he places the missive in his hand to the side and looks up, finding a new focus in his brother, is expression almost bashful as he asks; "Perhaps, then... we should begin thinking of what it is that we might do? For when such a day comes."
It's terribly dangerous, cruel and sad, to think like this. To allow himself a moment to hope, to dream of a future that he might be able to spend at his brother's side when his fate is all but carved into the very stone that sits in his chest. He could tell himself that this is for Clive, to offer his brother the same reassurances he always does, to help him keep going to do what he must without grieving over his brother whom he just got back.
But he knows, there's a part of him that wants to have this moment too, to believe.